It is no secret in marriage that both spouses will hurt one another. It can be intentional or unintentional. No matter what, in one way or another, hurt will arise simply because we are human. These hurts can come in so many forms and will also vary from minor to extreme. So, since we know hurt can come in our marriage, what do we do with it?
Recently I was diagnosed with what we thought was a herniated disc. My chiropractor suggested a cortisone shot which I agreed to and that was ever so painful! Once I got up from the table I knew this was something I would not want to experience again. They placed a band aid over the area where I received the shot, Days went by, it still hurt when touched.
After a few days passed, it was time to remove the band aid. We can all relate to the torture of pulling off a band aid. It will either go smooth and painless, or hurt so much you want to just pull it off as quickly as possible.
Once I pulled off the band aid, I thought about how many times we get hurt in life or in marriage. We then cover it up to avoid further pain or exposure to more harm. Many times we cover up our hearts or walk around masking all we have faced while never properly choosing healthy healing methods. Even though we cover up our hurt or pain, eventually that cover will come off and the wound will be exposed. That leaves us with a question; will it be painless or hurt all over again?
When hurting in your marriage, don’t put a band aid or temporary cover. Give it time to heal and ensure that what you cover your situation with, will not hurt more when exposed later. Treat your hurt with care. Give it time.
We have heard that time heals all wounds. Does it really? We may find healing and be at a newer level, but we will always have that scar. The hurt we may experience in our marriage can alter our behavior when we revisit that hurt no matter how much time has passed. I read a quote somewhere that said, “Smiles are like band aids, they cover up the pain, but it still hurts.”
Healing will take as long as it takes. Since we have all experienced some sort of hurt in our marriage whether it be through disconnection, disagreements, infidelity, or hurtful words, we can choose to heal in a healthy way by moving forward. We must move forward and make decisions. We need to seek out someone to walk through the hurt with us. No one else could ever validate your pain, but it could be their listening ear or warm smile that gets you from one day to the next.
As we carry on in our everyday lives there will be ups and downs and scars both physically or emotionally. We need to seek out not temporal fixes but permanent resolutions.
Allison P. Uribe is an auxiliary chaplain with the San Antonio Police Department. Allison’s husband is a San Antonio police officer. She is also a chaplain with Serve and Protect, serving the spiritual and emotional needs of law enforcement, fire/ rescue, and corrections; www.serveprotect.org or 625-373-8000. Allison is the founder of Wives on Duty Ministries designed to support and encourage wives of law enforcement and other emergency services through the word of God. Allison will launch Kids on Duty – To Play and Pray in Summer 2013. For more information visit www.wivesonduty.com or email Allison at [email protected] She is also the lead community chaplain and student with Global University Berean School of the Bible and speaks at many Law Enforcement events. Allison wrote “Because I’m Suitable-The Journey of A Wife on Duty”, geared toward wives of law enforcement; http://www.amazon.com/Because-Im-Suitable-Journey-Wife/dp/1449740839