It’s one of the most important pieces of any officer’s gear. It’s could be the one thing that even if everything else goes wrong, it might allow you to escape with your life.
It call also be a huge pain in the ass, especially for those of us that live in a warmer climate…
I’m talking about kevlar vests.
It’s not all sunshine and rainbows when it comes to these things.
Here’s why cops have a love/hate relationship with this important piece of equipment.
Love: It makes us look totally buff
Ever wear one of these? Every time you put it on, even if you just crammed an entire Thanksgiving dinner into your body in under 10 minutes… you’re still gonna look good.
No matter when the last time you hit the gym was, this thing somehow pulls everything together.
You see me in this thing? I feel like Ron Burgundy in Anchorman.
“Everybody come see how good I look!”
I just suddenly managed to squeeze what used to be a six pack and is now more of a keg into a freaking unisex version of a corset. Alright, I’ll stop admiring myself in the mirror now.
Hate: Can’t take the heat
Man, this might be the only time I’m jealous of cops in New England. During the summer… or if you’re from Florida… 10 out of 12 months of the year… these things only help turn up the temperature.
I’m talking it’s so hot, my sweat is sweating.
I’m trying to respond to as many indoor calls as I can.
Try doing your job with sweat pouring down your entire body. In a uniform.
It’s not a good look.
This witness is giving me some seriously weird facial expressions while I take her statement. Don’t flatter yourself… I’m not sweating cause you make me nervous. I’m literally melting.
Love: Taking it off at the end of the day
Ladies, I can finally relate. I finally get it. This must be what taking your bra off at the end of the day feels like. Wow.
I’m not exactly thrilled to see my stomach droop once it’s free from the kevlar shield it’s been wrapped in for the last 10 hours… but damn is that the greatest feeling.
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Hate: It’s hard to wash
Keeping these things clean isn’t the easiest thing in the world. News flash: I’m kind of a messy eater. I’m also a huge fan of hot dogs.
Needless to say I’ve got a few permanent mustard stains on the front of my vest.
And some blood. But it ain’t mine.
Turns out these little Tide Pen bleach sticks don’t get all the stains out.
Love: Have I mentioned how good it makes me look?
Seriously. Still not over it.
The added appearance of my muscular build definitely helps with my street cred.
Maybe I should try to get in with the SWAT guys.
Hate: No, you can’t borrow it
To my friends who aren’t in law enforcement. No, you can’t borrow it for your Halloween costume. I don’t care how ‘official’ you want to look. Get your own. That’s what Amazon is for.
And seriously, stop calling me to ask if we can ‘test it out’ at the range. As much as I love that movie, this ain’t Super Troopers.
Love: They actually work
I can’t say how impressed I am that companies like Angel Armor are not only able to make such an incredible life-saving piece of gear, but also actively do everything in their power to make sure they end up in the hands of officers that desperately need them.
These things have saved more lives than we could ever imagine, and we’re thankful for every brother and sister in blue who is still around because of them.
Stay safe out there!
That wraps up this week’s edition of ‘Why Cops…’
Next Thursday we’ll be back with a brand new topic!
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Thanks for checking out this week’s rant. Stay safe, America!