Fayetteville, AR: The Chief Financial Officer of one of America’s largest meat production companies, Tyson Foods, was arrested for somehow ending up in the wrong house and falling asleep in the homeowner’s bedroom.
John R. Tyson, 32, was found by local police to be dead asleep at a woman’s home during the late-night hours of a Saturday night, aka the party night apparently.
It’s a classic Goldilocks story, although there’s nothing cute about this case.
It is believed that Tyson had a few too many alcoholic beverages (the stench of booze gave it away)- more like way too many, that led him to walk into the wrong home and just crash wherever he wanted.
Most law enforcement officers can relate to a late night out partying with the guys after a long and stressful shift. But there are certain limitations and simple things you just cannot do.
Walking into the wrong home and crashing like a deadbeat friend is one of them.
According to the police report, the woman walked in and quickly notified the police after finding the (alleged) drunk curled up like he was on his mother’s lap.
According to a local column, it stated:
“According to a preliminary arrest report, at approximately 2:05 a.m. on Sunday, Nov. 6, Tyson, 32, was found asleep in a woman’s bed at her home, located at a home in the 400 block N. Mock Ave. The woman called police when she arrived and found Tyson, whom she did not know.”
“She told dispatchers that she believes the front door was left unlocked and that is how he gained entry. Upon arrival, police located Tyson in the back bedroom with his clothes in front of the bed and identified him through his driver’s license.”
Police then tried to wake Tyson up to get him to move and respond- to no avail. He was apparently so drunk; he couldn’t even form a proper sentence. In fact, the report stated that he eventually sat up briefly, and fell back onto the bed and back asleep.
That’s a pretty healthy level of drunk.
Many of us can relate to having a night like that, but very… very few of us have walked into a strangers home.
And at the age of 32, he should have at the very absolute least, learned how to properly get irresponsibly drunk.
Where were his friends?
Who drove him there?
What was he thinking? Actually, he was thinking ‘where’s a good place for a nap?’
And speaking of 32 years old and to make you even angrier, how did someone this irresponsible become the Chief Financial Officer of one of the country’s largest meat producers.
With a name like Tyson, he was certainly someone’s nephew and was planted in that privileged position. In his defense, he has only been in that position since October 2nd. Maybe he was in a month-long celebration phase.
Must be nice.
And a speaking of Tyson Foods, they wouldn’t touch this case. They are apparently cleaning their hands of the entire issue.
According to the local column that provided the official response from Tyson Foods, it stated:
“We’re aware of the incident and as this is a personal matter, we have no additional comment.”
That’s another way of saying ‘yes, we know he’s an imbecile and we will deal with him privately.’
Tyson was arrested by the responding officers, who probably pulled a few muscles trying to carry him out of the house and took him to jail for processing in the early morning hours. He was released late Sunday evening, presumably in enough time to sober up.
Tyson was still sluggish and uncoordinated, paired with the standard slurring speech throughout the arrest, but they eventually managed to get him fully processed.
It is unclear if he got through the car ride without throwing up.
He was arrested for criminal trespassing and public intoxication and slept it off.
The only question remains is, did he learn his lesson? Don’t bet on it.
The other lesson is, lock your doors.
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