Here is a list of things people say that make police roll their eyes. Why? Because we’ve heard each one a thousand times. Moreover, since we’ve heard these statements time and time again, we have several snarky comments as well.

“I pay your salary.”How many times have your heard this one from someone who hasn’t paid taxes in years, if at all?

threatening situation

(Photo courtesy Olichel)

“I didn’t do it!” or “It wasn’t me.”We love it when the person utters one of these lines while standing knee deep in incriminating evidence.  

“Is this road closed?” … “Nope, the sign is for everyone but you! Nevertheless, here’s your (stupid) sign (ala Bill Engvall).”

Can I get your name and badge number?When you show the person your nameplate and badge number displayed on your uniform, the gregarious fun loving individual wants it on a business card.

How many people have you shot? … “One every day, but those are people inside the station. I don’t shoot as many citizens.”

road sign

(Addy Free Facebook)

“Pigs in a blanket, fry ‘em like bacon.” … “Oh please, can’t you come up with something new?”

“Take that badge off and I’ll kick your ass.” … “What’s stopping you from trying now?”


(Richmond Police Department, Virginia)

While making a traffic stop, “Don’t you have anything better to do?” … “No way! Two more tickets and I get a free iPhone.”Caught off Guard

“I know the chief.” … “Yep, the boss is a popular person around town.”

“Look junior,” the parent says to their young child, “there is a police officer who will arrest you if you don’t behave.” …  While looking down at the little tike, the officer replies, “No, actually I’m going to smack your parent for making such a stupid threat.”

“Why don’t you arrest ‘REAL’ criminals instead of harassing me?” … “At the moment we can’t find any ‘real’ crooks, so we thought we’d annoy obnoxious people like you.”


Paul Bashi, 35, was arrested in August and accused of trying kill his girlfriend. He was a “real” criminal. (Screenshot Fox2Detroit broadcast)

My Dad’s a LAWYER!!! I’ll have your JOB!!!” … “Stand in line; there are plenty of others who’ve made the same claim.”

I’m not operating, I’m traveling.” … “Okay, be sure to travel to court on the appropriate date, otherwise the ticket will go to warrant.”role

“You have to let me go, you didn’t read me my rights.” … “I knew I forgot something. … Hang on. … Okay, you have the right to remain silent, but since you didn’t, we get to hold you until we’re finished.”

“You can’t tell me what to do.” “I can, and I am. If you fail to comply, the next thing you’ll hear me say is, ‘Put your hands behind your back.'”

citizen complaints

(Courtesy Scott L)

“I only had two beers.” … “Were they each served in a five-gallon bucket?”

“These aren’t my pants,” says the drug user after police find a bindle of dope in the front pocket. … “Let me guess. You borrowed them from a friend, but can’t remember his name, right?”

“How do you get to (fill in the blank).” Before Google there was the police.educating self-proclaimed experts

“How long have you been on the job?” … “Long enough to know how to complete this booking form.”

“You’re not a real cop.” … “Let’s see if these are real handcuffs.” 

Do you have others? How about a terse reply to one mentioned above. Share it with us.