Here is a list of things people say that make police roll their eyes. Why? Because we’ve heard each one a thousand times. Moreover, since we’ve heard these statements time and time again, we have several snarky comments as well.
“I pay your salary.” … How many times have your heard this one from someone who hasn’t paid taxes in years, if at all?
“I didn’t do it!” or “It wasn’t me.” … We love it when the person utters one of these lines while standing knee deep in incriminating evidence.
“Is this road closed?” … “Nope, the sign is for everyone but you! Nevertheless, here’s your (stupid) sign (ala Bill Engvall).”
Can I get your name and badge number? … When you show the person your nameplate and badge number displayed on your uniform, the gregarious fun loving individual wants it on a business card.
How many people have you shot? … “One every day, but those are people inside the station. I don’t shoot as many citizens.”
“Pigs in a blanket, fry ‘em like bacon.” … “Oh please, can’t you come up with something new?”
“Take that badge off and I’ll kick your ass.” … “What’s stopping you from trying now?”
While making a traffic stop, “Don’t you have anything better to do?” … “No way! Two more tickets and I get a free iPhone.”
“I know the chief.” … “Yep, the boss is a popular person around town.”
“Look junior,” the parent says to their young child, “there is a police officer who will arrest you if you don’t behave.” … While looking down at the little tike, the officer replies, “No, actually I’m going to smack your parent for making such a stupid threat.”
“Why don’t you arrest ‘REAL’ criminals instead of harassing me?” … “At the moment we can’t find any ‘real’ crooks, so we thought we’d annoy obnoxious people like you.”
“My Dad’s a LAWYER!!! I’ll have your JOB!!!” … “Stand in line; there are plenty of others who’ve made the same claim.”
“I’m not operating, I’m traveling.” … “Okay, be sure to travel to court on the appropriate date, otherwise the ticket will go to warrant.”
“You have to let me go, you didn’t read me my rights.” … “I knew I forgot something. … Hang on. … Okay, you have the right to remain silent, but since you didn’t, we get to hold you until we’re finished.”
“You can’t tell me what to do.” “I can, and I am. If you fail to comply, the next thing you’ll hear me say is, ‘Put your hands behind your back.'”
“I only had two beers.” … “Were they each served in a five-gallon bucket?”
“These aren’t my pants,” says the drug user after police find a bindle of dope in the front pocket. … “Let me guess. You borrowed them from a friend, but can’t remember his name, right?”
“How do you get to (fill in the blank).” Before Google there was the police.
“How long have you been on the job?” … “Long enough to know how to complete this booking form.”
“You’re not a real cop.” … “Let’s see if these are real handcuffs.”
Do you have others? How about a terse reply to one mentioned above. Share it with us.