There is going to be a time when Comm’r. Alpha Hotel, Col. Alpha Hotel, Maj. Alpha Hotel, Capt. Alpha Hotel, Lt. Alpha Hotel, and Sgt. Alpha Hotel (We will use AH for the rest of this article) join forces and take turns on your turdpipe. It’s part of the advancement process, so the quicker you roll over, the faster you’ll successfully scale the ladder in your career. After all, isn’t that why we have a promotional process — To determine how successful you are as a police officer?

Advancing in the ranks is more important than real police work — Once you snag an AH ranking, you’re exempt from calls such as domestic violence, aggravated assault, accidents, etc. Hell, you’re not even expected to make traffic stops or do any proactive policing — A few years on the road, transfer to a specialty assignment, and snag your AH chevrons — “You want me to do real police work? Nah, that’s for MY turdpipes.” (I capitalize on “MY” because the AH feels they own you.)

The administrators who carry the AH mentality are detrimental to our police departments. It makes the real cops want to drop a turd right on their supervisor’s desk — Just because a promotion takes place, doesn’t mean you’re done being a police officer. No one cares how many leadership classes AH has if he/she doesn’t know how to lead.

“Oh, you have paperwork, e-mails, and reports to read? Do you also have meetings all day, every day?”

— No, they don’t. AH doesn’t prioritize their time —

It would be fine if AH benefited the cause of quality police work. Instead, AH is more worried about how fast they are scaling the ladder. AH’s ego continues to grow each day, significantly.

When supervisory responsibilities don’t occupy the AH, what is AH doing? Well, social media posts, DUH! Turdpipe knows how busy work can be — He understands that AH wants to let all his/her friends know — Thanks for updating everyone on how busy life is.

Seven-Point Creed

(Courtesy Juan Beltran)

Don’t worry; the turdpipes got this! They will handle every call, write every report, and be the OIC during all these stressful times. Turdpipe knows AH has earned those mental health breaks, and all the vacation time he/she takes.

There are damn good supervisors who are rockstars! A vast majority of them stay put as a Sergeant because the higher ranking AH’s realized it was a mistake to promote the turdpipe. The good supervisors are content where they are — They aren’t willing to play the AH games. To that supervisor, subordinate turdpipes from across the Nation commend you! Thank you for working diligently and looking out for our best interest. It is you we will battle with when the time comes. Turdpipes from all corners will come to back you because you’re doing what we all hired on to do, POLICE WORK!

A recommendation for the subordinate turdpipes:

AH will NEVER look in the mirror and say to themselves “How did I let myself get this far?” They became politicians and forgot what they signed up for when they took their oath. To Protect and Serve!! When AH isn’t out on the front lines trying to make an effort to join you, then they are the internal enemy. Be careful with them in everything you do and say. They do not have your best interest in mind.

Do your best to remember who you are and why you became a police officer. For some it was power, but for the majority, it was a sense of pride and doing what is right. The choice is yours.