My husband wears a badge. He is a great man whom I respect very much, but tonight, I sit. You see, duty has once again called for his time. Time away from his home, his rest, and his family, so I sit. Our dogs always face the front door, waiting patiently when it’s time for him to come home, but tonight, with me, they sit.
Duty has called upon the man I love tonight to protect the lives of many who show him little compassion, many who say he is a monster, and few who show him respect.
While I wonder where he is, if I packed enough in his lunch to sustain him, if he is safe, and if he will be home at a reasonable hour, I sit. While I ponder how much sleep he will get tonight, wonder if I’ve made our home comfortable and peaceful enough for his return, I sit.
I have found solace with my sisters in blue, because just like me, they sit. They sit while their spouses are also called to duty at a time when they should be home sharing the dinner table with us. Tonight, as I eat, I will sit and I will eat alone. You see, life, as a LEOW is not for the weak hearted. There will be many nights when you will sit unexpectedly. There will be many special birthdays where your plans will change in order for you to simply sit. There will be too many holidays to count where unexpectedly, without the company of your husband, you will sit.
If you have children, there will be many events that your spouse will not be able to attend, so alone, you will sit. Tonight I am faced with a duality. I’m thankful that when he last texted me, he told me that he is safe at present. He told me he still has food in his lunch. He told me that he expects to be home a “mere” 5 hours after he should’ve been home. HE TOLD ME THAT HE LOVES ME! And after all of that, overwhelmed by the love and respect I have for this man, I sit.
I will impatiently wait for him to walk through the door, take me into his arms, kiss me, and tell me that he loves me, but until then, I will sit. As I see negativity in the media, the community, and also on social media sites, I sit.
I know better now than to try to turn the minds of the ignorant. I don’t have the super powers it would require to do so, so I sit.
When I sit, knowing that the longer he works and the more tired he becomes, the harder his job becomes and the less effective he is capable of being (it’s not personal against him. It’s human nature) Tired equals less sharp. Lack of sleep, proper nutrition, lack of time with your mind at home and at peace puts our officers at risk, including my beloved husband tonight. So knowing all of this, I sit.
I sit at home, missing dinner together and the evening with my husband because he was called to duty. While he works, my mind is also not at rest, so what will I do? I will sit. I will sit waiting to hear his truck pull into the driveway. I will sit waiting for a possible text that says, “I’m on my way! I love you!” because those are the most beautiful words to the wife of a law enforcement officer, but until I hear them, I will sit.
I will wait for our dogs to alert me that he has pulled into the driveway. I will wait for him to tell me the stories of his day, knowing that he has filtered some of them out to protect me. I will savor the hug and kiss I receive when he gets home after being gone for 14 hours. I will ask him what he needs and take care of his every want. But until that moment that he walks through the door, I will sit. I sit proudly every single day! I am married to a man who would move mountains for me.
I am married to a man who wears his badge and doesn’t allow the badge to wear him. I am married to a man so kind and ethical that I sometimes wonder how he can possibly love me as much as I love him. I am married to a man that proves to me every day that I am what matters most to him.
I am married to a man who will continue to do his job, even when he’s tired and wants to come home. I am married to a man who would lay his life down in order to protect yours. I am married to a man who respects the law and his fellow officers and service members. I am married to a man I love. I am married to a man that I NEED to walk through that door tonight safely. I am married to a man that I love and respect! Despite all of the difficulties that go along with being a LEOW, I will continue looking up to the Heavens for peace. I will continue to look to him and his friends for safety.
I will continue to look within for patience when, at the last minute, he is called to duty. I will continue to look into his eyes and remind him just how much I appreciate his sacrifice, knowing that I may be the only one who expressed those words to him today.
I will continue to love him every day. And as I love him, as I wait to profess my respect and admiration for him, as I worry about his safety, and as I pray for his return home to me, I sit.
Patricia Landfair Wife of Deputy Ken Landfair, Jackson County Sheriff Dept