The following includes content which is editorial in nature and reflects the opinion of the writer.
POLK COUNTY, FL- Between 2008-20014, there was a program on TruTV called “World’s Dumbest.” Ladies and gentlemen, in the 2022 version of World’s Dumbest [Criminals] we present Martin Gonzalez-Garcia and Ashializ Roldan-Oscasio of Polk County, Florida.
— Jennifer Gould (@jennifergould) January 4, 2023
On Dec. 29, 2022, the couple were in the process of burglarizing a home when one of them got the brilliant idea to call 911 and ask for help moving some of “their” belongings.
According to sheriff’s deputies, our pair of bungling banditos broke into the home because they were seeking a place to sleep for the night, Fox News Digital reports.
“Post Miranda [warnings], Martin stated on a recorded statement he did commit the burglary at the Dollar General because he needed to get items to sell it to make money,” an arrest warrant affidavit said. “Martin stated he knew what he did was wrong, but needed the money. Martin state he knew the residence was not his and did not have permission to be in, but had to get inside to get out of the cold.”
Earlier that morning, a Dollar General store in Poinciana was burglarized, and law enforcement officials were able to identify the suspect as “Martin.”
Shortly thereafter, a 911 call came into the sheriff’s office, however nobody was on the other end of the call. Deputies from Polk County responded to the residence where the call originated, and found an unlocked door. They entered the home where they found Gonzalez-Garcia and Roldan-Oscasio.
Deputies were able to determine neither lived in the home and they were placed under arrest. Gonzalez-Garcia was arrested in connection with the Dollar General burglary and theft, in addition to the residential burglary. Roldan-Oscasio meanwhile was charged with the burglary of the residence.
Deputies also confiscated a bag containing marijuana.
Roldan-Oscasio told deputies she called 911 “for the purpose of having law enforcement assist her and Martin with moving their belongings from the house [the one they were burglarizing].”
They were also seeking a ride to the airport “because they wanted to go to New York for the weekend,” the sheriff’s office said.
“Deputies DID help them with their belongings, and DID give them a ride, but it wasn’t to the airport…it was to the Polk Pokey,” the sheriff’s office said. “And they are welcome to stay there all weekend long. The Polk Pokey is much better than New York anyway.”
Never one to pull punches, Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said Gonzalez-Garcia “may be the dumbest guy on Earth.” We agree, Sheriff Judd.
Speaking of dumb criminals, we head over to Rockdale County, Georgia, where the sheriff’s office posts updates to its most wanted list, which is updated as criminals are apprehended or new suspects emerge.
A post in December, the sheriff’s office posted their Top Ten Most Wanted list on social media and asked for anyone who had seen any of the suspects to call a tip line. They also posted mugshots of the November gang of criminal misfits, BizPacReview reports.
One of our criminal friends, Christopher Spaulding, was apparently miffed because he was left off the list, and so decided to respond, “How about me?” in the comments section of the Facebook post. That comment didn’t get past the Rockdale Police Department.
“Christopher Spaulding, you are correct you have two warrants, we are on the way,” the police department responded.
A subsequent Facebook post updated followers on the adventures of Christopher Spaulding, showing our bumbling bandito in handcuffs, a photo in which he was not laughing. The Sheriff’s Office thanked Spaulding for his assistance.
“We appreciate you for your assistance in your capture! Special thanks to our Fugitive Unit for being active and efficiently apprehending Mr. Spaulding who has 2 warrants for Felony Violation of Probation.
Our Top 10 is compiled based off of the severity of the charges only. By not being on this lists does not mean our Fugitive Unit is not looking for you if you have an active warrant.
If you have any information or would like to know if you have a warrant please contact investigator Dunn at 770-278-8183 or [email protected].
Spaulding’s apprehension drew a number of responses on the post.
“Hilarious! Publicly embarrassing a special needs person. Stay classy you guys!”
“When it’s winter and you’re tired of paying bills, rent and buying groceries…,” wrote another.
One user who claimed to know Spaulding wasn’t amused by the responses:
“To set the record straight for all these negative comments is uncalled for. He is NOT a homeless person nor does he do drugs he doesn’t even drink alcohol.”
She then went on to criticize the police and “I’ll be getting to the bottom of that. That’s in the works.”
Ah yes. You’ve gotta love job security.
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