ALDEN, N.Y. – The man who murdered John Lennon on the evening of Dec. 8, 1980 outside of his New York City apartment told a parole board he feels “more and more shame” every year for gunning down the former Beatle, reported Fox News.

The 40-year-old musical legend and his wife, Yoko Ono, were returning home from a recording studio on a night that would reverberate in pop culture history. He was shot outside their building, the famous Dakota.

About six hours earlier, Lennon autographed a copy of his new album, titled “Double Fantasy” for his would-be killer, Mark David Chapman. The then-25-year-old was found by police reading a copy of “The Catcher in the Rye” at the site of the shooting.

“Thirty years ago I couldn’t say I felt shame and I know what shame is now,” said Chapman. “It’s where you cover your face … you don’t want to ask for anything.”

John Lennon

Mark David Chapman (L) mugshot, 2011. John Lennon (R) photo undated. (

The now-63-year-old expressed his enduring remorse for killing Lennon at his 10th parole board hearing in August at Wende Correctional Facility, where he is serving a 20-years-to-life sentence.

The board continued to deny his release, even after his expressed sorrow.

New York prison officials released a transcript of the hearing on Thursday.

Chapman told parole board members he still thinks about how Lennon was “incredible” to him earlier that day. Moreover, the condemned murderer claimed he had been going through an internal “tug of war” of whether to go ahead with the shooting.

“I was too far in,” Chapman told the board. “I do remember having the thought of, ‘Hey, you … got the album now. Look at this, he signed it, just go home.’ But there was no way I was just going to go home.”

“I secured those bullets to make sure he would be dead.”

– Mark David Chapman

As in previous parole hearings, Chapman went into detail about the shooting and his regret over the “senseless” act. Furthermore, Chapman claimed he sought notoriety and felt no animosity for Lennon, even though he loaded his gun with more lethal hollow-point ammunition.

“I secured those bullets to make sure he would be dead,” said Chapman. “It was immediately after the crime that I was concerned that he did not suffer.”

Chapman described working at the prison cleaning, painting and stripping wax from the floors. He said he left his quest for notoriety behind long ago and is reportedly devoted to promoting the transformative power of Jesus.

Chapman said he realizes the pain he caused will linger “even after I die.”

In its decision, the state Board of Parole said releasing Chapman would not only “tend to mitigate the seriousness of your crime,” but also would endanger public safety because someone might try to harm him out of anger, revenge or to become famous.

Chapman’s next chance at parole will be in August 2020.