Ba humbug: For the first time in 160 years, Macy’s will not have Santa Claus in New York City

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NEW YORK, NY – For the first time in more than a century, closer to two, there will be no Santa Claus at Macy’s New York City location.  The store canceled the jolly old elf out of concerns of spreading the COVID-19 virus and plans a “reimagined” Santaland to create a “safe experience for kids and their families.”

The store boasts that more than a quarter-million people show up for Santa every year in a holiday tradition dating back to 1861. Store officials said they do not believe they will have the ability to ensure safety protocols for the large daily crowds.

Macy’s officials also do not think social distancing would be possible in the iconic, 13,000-square-foot Christmas village built every year on the eighth floor of the flagship store on West 34th Street. The cancelation is a sadly appropriate way to close out 2020.

Macy’s locations in San Francisco and Chicago also will not invite Santa this year. Interestingly, even the Spanish flu epidemic of 1918 didn’t prevent throngs of children from sitting on Santa’s lap and sharing their Christmas wishes with the big man.

Instead of having in-person crowds, Macy’s has decided that doing something virtually on its website will satisfy those who look forward to the spectacle.  Macy’s released a statement on its website, which in part said:

“Since 1861, generations of children have enjoyed the magic of a visit with the one-and-only Santa Claus at Macy’s.  That cherished holiday tradition will continue this year in a new way through Macy’s Santaland at Home. 

“Beginning Friday, November 27 through Thursday, December 24, for the first time ever, the magic of Macy’s Santaland will be transformed into an interactive, virtual experience.

“To safely bring the wonder of this cherished holiday tradition to families nationwide, Macy’s Santaland’s in-store experience will be available through an immersive and whimsical digital-only engagement available at macys.com/Santaland.”

Susan Tercero, vice president of branded entertainment for Macy’s, spoke about the need to transition to a virtual experience from the in-person one for the sake of safety during the pandemic.  She said:

“At Macy’s, the safety of our customers and colleagues is paramount.  To replicate the magical experience of visiting Macy’s Santaland for children and their families, we will shift to a virtual engagement this year. 

“For many, visiting Santa at Macy’s has become a long-standing highlight of the holiday season.  Macy’s is delighted to have found a way to ensure even more families can enjoy this treasured experience safely during this festive time of the year.”

The virtual version, called Macy’s Santaland at Home, will be free and accessible from Nov. 27 to Dec. 24. Up to three children at one time will be allowed into a customized experience.  Digital elves will take the children through an interactive trip through Santa’s workshop and allow them to play games throughout the session. 

At the end of the trip through virtual Santaland, children will be able to provide their gift requests to Santa and even be able to take a selfie with him — virtually, of course.  After the picture is taken, Macy’s will allow immediate downloads of the photograph. However, it has not yet advised whether there will be a cost associated with the selfie.

Santaland is not the only Macy’s holiday event to be taken virtual this year. Dicken’s Village and the Christmas light show will also be recreated online and not available in the stores.  Macy’s officials think the virtual Christmas light show will be just as good as seeing it in real life.  They said:

“A special version of the spectacular Macy’s Christmas Light Show will shine bright online as it takes viewers on a light filled festive journey through popular Christmas stories, including ‘The Nutcracker’ and ‘Frosty the Snowman.’ The annual light display will feature the sounds of the world-famous Wanamaker Organ.”

Macy’s promises that Santa will make appearances this year on social-media platforms including Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.  In doing his appearances, the jolly old elf will be able to interact with children “in his uniquely whimsical way.”

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California governor announces insane family restrictions on Thanksgiving gatherings – gets roasted by comedian

October 21, 2020

SACRAMENTO, CA – Democratic California Gov. Gavin Newsom has listed new restrictions on how people may celebrate the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. 

To some, the new rules may seem like a needed safety measure.  To others, they are absurd and read more like orders from a king rather than suggestions from a government leader.

Newsom has decried that no more than three families may be together for the holiday, and even then, no one is allowed inside the houses.  Newsom also wants to ensure that the families are socially distance and wear masks. All while trying to eat turkey.

You know, just your average family event.

In an even stranger restriction, Newsom has ruled that family gatherings shall not last longer than two hours.  Apparently singing is also strongly discouraged.  

Comedian Rob Schneider is one Californian who does not seem to see much sense in Newsom’s COVID-19 restriction declarations. 

He tweeted:

“Dear Emperor @GavinNewsom.  During our allotted 3 family limit this Thanksgiving, if my Aunt comes over, can I throw her a slice of turkey from the window?  We promise NOT to sing . . . we will all just whisper, “PLEASE RECALL DIPSHIT GAVIN NEWSON!”

This was not Schneider’s first Twitter attack aimed at Newsom, as he was also unhappy that wineries in 19 counties had been ordered closed due to COVID-19, with one exception: The winery that he and his family own somehow escaped being on the closure list. 

At the time, Schneider tweeted:

“Enjoy @GavinNewsom 2020 Vintage Wine!  A Smokey ash flavored Cab with hints of incompetence & authoritarian overstepping.  Who needs science?  Just Lock yourself down & go bankrupt with this morally corrupt table wine with it’s bouquet of one man dictatorial rule & 16.8% tax.”

The absurd rules that Newsom is bringing forth are being done under the veil of “loosening” current restrictions, so, you know, everyone should be thankful. 

Newsome said:

“We are entering into the holidays, but also we’re entering into part of the year where things cool down and people are more likely to congregate back indoors in settings that put their physical proximity and likelihood of transmission and transmitting disease at higher risk.”

Newsom’s office also will allow people to gather underneath outside shelter, provided that they socially distance and a breeze is present—.  He has also declared that no one shall share food or drinks with one another. 

What’s more — besides wearing a mask to a Thanksgiving dinner and avoiding singing — chanting and shouting are also “strongly discouraged.”

Newsom’s office contends that singing, chanting or shouting can increase the chances of spreading COVID-19 “because these activities increase the release of respiratory droplets and fine aerosols into the air.” 

Is this not from the same group of people that tell us that wearing a mask will prevent the disease from spreading? 

So, if you are wearing a mask AND singing, the mask does not work. Got it.

Playing music is allowed, graciously, as long as it is not from any type of wind instrument.  You see, playing those instruments, even if standing six-feet apart from someone who is wearing a mask, somehow can magically spread the virus through the air, through the mask and beyond the six feet that they preach to us will keep us all safe.

It’s unbelievable.

Newsom was also widely mocked earlier in October when he implored restaurant patrons to wear masks in between their bites of food. 

His office tweeted:

“Going out to eat with members of your household this weekend?  Don’t forget to keep your mask on in between bites.  Do your part to keep those around you healthy.”


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