Blessed are the peace keepers.
We are upon the season of charitable donations and all things shiny and bright. Shiny and bright includes light bars and sirens, which means the cops are probably going to hate their gifts upon arrival. You mean white elephant gifts.
Don’t get me wrong, cops are all about hustle and bustle.
Holidays bring about surges in community activity. During this perfect time of year, law enforcement kind of have a change of tune from the daily grind of police work. We like to slow down and enjoy the carved ham or big bird, indulge in mashed potatoes and gravy, or pie. I am sure some of you are appalled that we would eat our own. Ham is good. It might be off our clean living plan, but worth all the trouble.
You might see your local law enforcement shopping with kids, volunteering to deliver food baskets, or digging someone out of a snow drift. Actually, they do that stuff all year round, but it seems to be showcased in the news around December.
Deck the halls with bows of folly.
Gift giving is high on everyone’s mind which brings about unnecessary stress.
Do you struggle to find just the right gift to put on your shopping scrolls or attend to every decoration detail? Aren’t there always those hard to buy for people on your Christmas list each year? Perhaps you have some things in mind, but cannot seem to get it just right. Do you have a cop on your list?
Police officers are actually very easy to figure out. Usually you can spark their holiday spirit with anything in gun metal gray or some shiny tactical accessory. Boot socks are always a nice touch. Or new Under Armor.
You can really light up their lives by putting the latest and greatest flashlight or pocket knife in their stockings. A nice personalized cop themed tree ornament is always a favorite.
Despite these obvious good choices, some get it wrong. Like. Every. Year.
We cannot even re-gift the things. Although we appreciate the good intentions of all tidings, we would like to ward off the inevitable DO NOTs of blue line gift giving. Most of these situations arise because of some random act of… well, some random act.
What gets you on the naughty list?
Here are a few of the top things you can cross off your Christmas list for your local cops:
- Ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future. Death of any kind is the number one unwelcomed call. Casualties, fatalities, and terminations are the worst thing you could give cops around the holidays. It really is a dud for all involved. Avoid this one at all costs. Literally.
- Holiday punch. Not the spiked Kool-aid at parties. That’s right, these are the other punches also called physical confrontations. Rock ‘em Sock ‘ems were great as kids, but, in the real live version they have severe consequences. If you feel you need hit someone, then build a snowman.
- Liquid courage. Sleigh this. We might all love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, but not behind the wheel. No one wants to put you or Santa behind bars for overindulging or driving impaired. Safety first.
- A lump of coal. Coal is saved for those on Santa’s naughty list. This usually pertains to firefighters. It’s their job to put out flames. Police cannot help it that we are faster. But most importantly, police officers get discouraged when things go up in smoke unless it is yule logs and chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
- Stale donuts. Domestic hospitality is usually treasured around a nice holiday feast. Law enforcement officers are not fond of mashed potato slinging, turkey chucking, and stale donuts which accompany family fights. Nor do they enjoy a cold dinner because they responded to yours and had to miss their own.
Silent Nights. The Ticket.
There are many more items which might top this lot. Can you think of more? You can put your imagination to work and eliminate them as well. Not everyone celebrates the same way. We appreciate the differences, but please use some common sense.
To reduce celebration crisis, keep your wits about you. Embrace the spirit of the season. This time of Noel it would be appreciated if you paid it forward by giving to those less fortunate than yourself.
Forgive your enemy. Or, at least ignore him or her until after the new year and the first thaw.
Decorate your world. Make it pretty. Blue is normally our favorite color, but enjoy the holidays in the traditional sense of green, red, gold, and silver. Less cobalt is best. Besides, traveling code in inclement weather is the pits.
Trafficking in human kindness is preferred over the other versions. Engage in conspiracies of good will and cheer. Additionally, the bellow of “ho, ho, ho!” comes without red lights, cash exchanges, and other pleasures. The words are not a calling card for the ladies.
If you prefer the Scrooge route, then so be it. Each to his own. But keep your grumpiness to yourself.
Remember Santa is always watching with night vision and high tech software and might be disguised as a police officer.