My buddy Robert has been a cop for decades. He lives outside of Miami, and although he drives everywhere… he’s never used the Waze app.
He’s a super old school kinda guy. Pays for stuff with cash. Yells at kids to get off his lawn. Will give you the shirt off his back… but will tell you that he drinks Johnny Walker Black if he’s buying… Macallan 18 if you are.
I flew down to Miami to go on a couple of business meetings with him. Like many police officers, he’s got a side hustle and he’s pretty damn good at business. What he is NOT pretty damn good at, however, is chilling the hell out when he’s a passenger in my car.
We had an hour and ten minutes to get from a meeting in Boca to a dinner in Miami. It was aggressive, considering we were going at rush hour. But I had my trusty Waze app and it estimated our arrival time at 7:25pm, just in time for our 7:30pm reservations.
This is what went down next.
Me: Waze puts us there at 7:25.
Robert: What the hell is Waze?
Me: It’s like Google maps on steroids. It’s GPS, but it’s updated based on what’s happening in real time with traffic. It’s sort of like crowd sourced data based on traffic, accidents, construction, etc.
Robert: I don’t know what the hell you just said.
Me: You don’t need to. We’ll be on time.
Robert: You’re going to want to turn right out of this lot.
Me: Got it. You just sit back and relax. I’m good on directions.
Robert: Why are you in the right lane? You need to make a left up there.
Me: Because Waze is telling me to go straight.
Robert: Screw that. Waze doesn’t know this area like I know it. Turn left, damnit.
Me: Ok, fine – but watch what happens.
Robert: See? You millennials and your fancy technology.
Me: Great job. Waze now says we’ll be there at 7:36.
Robert: Waze doesn’t know what the hell it’s talking about.
Break lights appear ahead.
Me: No, I’m pretty sure it’s smarter than you.
Robert: Ok, wise ass. Make a right up here.
Me: I’m not going to do that. Will you shut up and let me drive?
Robert: Fine. You and your little girlfriend Waze there can make us late.
10 minutes later
Robert: You can speed up – you’re going 55 in a 65.
Me: No, I’m not – I’m going 57 in a 55.
Robert: It’s a 65.
Me: No, it’s not. Waze shows you how fast you’re going and what the speed limit is.
Robert: There you go again. Ohhhh, look at me, I’m using a fancy phone. I’m telling you – you can speed up.
Me: No I can’t. There’s a cop about a mile ahead.
Robert: Oh, so now you’re Superman and can see a mile down the road?
Voice on Waze App: Police reported ahead.
Robert: What the hell did she just say?
Me: Police reported ahead.
Robert: How the hell did she know that?
Me: People report where cops are set up with speed traps. They let other drivers know what side of the road they’re on and whether the cruiser is hidden or visible.
Robert: WHATTTT???
Me: See? There he is. Check this out – if he wasn’t here, I’d press this button and let people know he’s gone.
Robert: What did you just press?
Me: A thumbs up to let people know that he’s there.
Robert: You’re an asshole.
Me: I like to think that the people who I just got to slow down to avoid getting a ticket don’t agree with you.
Robert: I hate you.
15 minutes later: Route change detected
Robert: Why are you in this lane? You need to stay straight.
Me: Waze found a better route. It’s going to shave off six minutes and put us there right at 7:30pm now.
Robert: I know the way it’s going to try and take you. That road is always a mess. I’M TELLING YOU STAY STRAIGHT.
Me: Ok, whatever you say, officer.
We pass the exit. Exactly one mile later, we’re sitting in standstill traffic. Waze: arrival time, 7:47.
Robert: Damnit.
Me: I’m sorry, what was that?
Robert: I’m gonna call up our 7:30 and tell him we’re going to be a few minutes late.
Me: Tell him we’ll be pulling in at 7:47.
Robert: You’ll make up the time once this clears. I’ll tell him 7:35.
Me: No, no we won’t. Tell him 7:47.
Pulling in at 7:47pm….
Robert: What was the name of that app again?
Me: Waze.
Robert: You’re still an asshole.
Bartender to Robert: What can I get you to drink?
Robert, looking at me: Depends on who is buying…
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Kyle S. Reyes is the National Spokesman for Law Enforcement Today, founder of The Whiskey Patriots and Chief Executive Officer of The Silent Partner Marketing. Reyes is also an acclaimed keynote speaker on patriotism and leadership, entrepreneurship and marketing by storytelling. You can follow him on Facebook.