Editor Note: The author of this is a friend of ours at Law Enforcement Today. Today, he’s doing well. But he’s in a battle that will last his entire life. And he’s not alone. So many of you are fighting the same battle, and so today we humbly publish his raw words and raw thoughts in hopes it will help save even just one life. If you are fighting this same battle… reach out. You are not alone.
There I am clothed in torn shorts and a ragged shirt preparing to board my flight after leaving treatment.
I feel great but I am scared as shit.
“Will everyone judge me? Will I still have a job? Does my family hate me?”
All these questions reach the frontal lobe of my brain.
You see, they teach you sobriety which is amazing. However, life didn’t stop when I arrived and stayed in treatment.
I needed to prepare because I needed to get back on the “on ramp” of life and there was no yield sign posted.
I immediately dove into trying to get my job back, apologize to my kids. Heck, I even told my ex-wife I was sorry.
I had one fatal flaw that sat dormant in the back of my head.
It laid in wait, ready to sneak up on me. While I was full of piss and vinegar, I overlooked an important task… and that was relapse.
I had NO cravings. I didn’t crave my best friend, lover and all-around bomb diggity, Beer.
It started as slow progressions and quickly turned into crises. I didn’t see it happening and all the skills I learned didn’t kick in.
My worst enemy snuck in under and over my shield.
I began the art of self-deception.
“I’ve been doing good.” “I can celebrate.“ “I’ll stop for one.”
These thoughts along with many other covert maneuvers all started to unite.
I’m driving around passing beer stores. My life seems to be going well, but the devil was relentless.
I caved. I stopped and purchased my old dear friend, Natural Light. My self-deception was in full effect, but I was in the fight of my life.
I did it! I cheated on myself.
I drove around sliding down beer after beer. Oh my God, was it fun.
Buzzer, it was horrible. I felt like shit. It wasn’t what I thought it would be.
Then the turbo in an alcoholic kicked it. “Well I drank yesterday,“ and “I can stop anytime I want.”
I landed and drank myself silly. I fell in that hole and was stuck.
Addiction ruled my life once again. I woke for a couple hours to drink, then slept for an hour and repeat. It was not fun. I was embarrassed, cold-hearted and hated everything about me.
If you’re reading this and you’re saying “that’s not me”… allow me to catch you before you fall.
When I started, I didn’t have a problem. I was social drinker. Then I turned into a bar drinker.
Then I was a home, bar and home again drinker.
I would just say “it’s just beer and I show up to work”.
“I’m fine, it’s really no big deal.”
Ask for help and don’t be embarrassed – it will save you a great deal of pain and sorrow.
Please check yourself before you wreck yourself.
The Law Enforcement Today Radio Show is brought to you in part by Transformations Treatment Center. Call (888) 991-9725 online at www.transformationstreatment.center.
Transformations Treatment Center provides a comprehensive range of treatments for addiction, substance abuse, co-occurring mental health disorders, and PTSD. In addition to multiple rehabilitation and holistic treatments for all those suffering from substance abuse problems.
Transformations Treatment center has a nationally acclaimed Veterans and First Responders Treatment program. Where law enforcement, firefighters, veterans and all first responders receive the separate and highly specialized treatment. Their program features first responders and veterans helping first responders and veterans.
Call (888) 991-9725 online at transformations treatment Dot center. Get more details about their First Responder – Veteran program here.