Collaboration of Advice for New Blue Wives
So, you recently married an officer or plan to marry one in the near future. As a result, you’ve probably wondered what you have in store for yourself. In other words, are you making the right choice to love an officer?
I will go into more about that, but plain and simply put: ABSOLUTELY!
Welcome to the “Blue Family.” J Blue family means you and your LEO have “family” literally everywhere. From officers and their families in other countries to right here in our great United States. No matter how many people hate the police, there are so many more supporters out there who will speak up and stand beside us.
You hear of officers having their brotherhood, but ladies have a sisterhood. And the bond runs deep. We may have our civilian friends, but only true LEOWs REALLY understand this life we live. The blue family will always stick together. When times get tough, we all band together. We cry together, get angry together, wonder how much more we can take, but we won’t stay down. We will always get up and fight.
When it comes to us making friends, it can be difficult for various reasons. But please, never feel alone. This life is great, but it can also be lonely. We are strong women who were made for this life. You may not believe it right away, but you are.
In my bio, you can see that I run two support groups on Facebook for wives married to the badge. The other is for LEOWs with children. Both of my groups are unsearchable but we love taking in wives who have no support or didn’t know groups out there like this existed. So if you read this and are interested, my FB and IG links are at the bottom of the bio.
I became involved in these groups about 3 years ago when I felt so alone and thought there had to be something out there for people like me. There was, and it was my saving grace!
Thanks to questions I’ve shared with real LEOWs, I’ve come up with some great tips to share because we were all there once and love to pass on what we’ve learned. I hope you enjoy and benefit from these.
I combined numerous answers from many different women to the following three questions:
- What is the best piece of advice you could give new LEOWs?
- To not take things personally if your LEO gets impatient with you during or after work as it usually has nothing to do with you.
- Don’t pressure him to talk if he doesn’t want to. You never know what kind of shift he’s had and if he wants to talk, let him on his own terms. Men process things differently than us. But, it’s never a bad idea to let them know you are there for them and will be if they want to talk.
- Don’t listen to the scanner and don’t call or text him too much when he’s at work. He WILL get back to you. Calls can take hours, he may not have service or he’s busy catching up on reports which he barely has time to do in the first place.
- YOU know your husband, so take some advice and opinions with a grain of salt. *Some need time to decompress and some women tend have a hard time with this for numerous reasons, and others don’t need to decompress right away.
- Be flexible. Schedules are crazy. And don’t stay mad, talking is important but swallow your pride and leave it at the door if he’s about to walk out for work. You want him to leave in a good state of mind, so kiss him, let him know you love him and you can always talk later. Also, don’t ever let anyone think your feelings aren’t valid or that they’re petty. Just because he’s an officer doesn’t mean he’s God. In my home, we are 90% best friends, lovers, equals and communication is extremely prevalent on both ends. Neither of us is better than the other. Our problems may be different, but I’m still important and he knows that and supports me as I support him.
- Another biggie on question 1 was be careful who you trust, even if they are local wives. Remember, some things are meant to stay strictly between a husband and wife or there can be major repercussions.
2. What’s something you wish someone would’ve told you “back then?” (Directed to our LEOWs with some years under their belts.) The best answers were:
- Make your own happiness. Don’t lose your identity. Find one. Find a hobby. Don’t let his job define YOU. Find a good group of friends (mom friends if you have kids).
- Schedules and shift changes are hard, but it makes you really cherish the time you do get together.
- All the advice in the world can’t prepare you for really living it, just find what works for you.
- Communication is KEY!!!!!!!
- People can be so nasty online, stay away from the media article comments. Don’t feed into them, you’ll just get more upset. They won’t ever understand and we can’t give them the satisfaction they are looking for.
- Remember, back to not bothering (your officer) too much during work, sometimes replies will take hours. No news is good news. He could be doing reports, on a big stop and lots of evidence to process and tickets to write or he could be at the hospital with a suspect. The options are endless, don’t over-stress.
- Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.
- Sometimes holidays are spent on random days near the actual holiday, so that you can all be together. Remember, it’s about the time spent together when you can’t spend the “real” holiday together.
- The married-single-parent life is real and no joke. But you CAN do it. Thousands of us do. (I personally do with three littles.)
3. How long have you been an LEOW?
- Seventeen respondents averaged nine years experience.
– Desiree Felish
(Graphic courtesy South Florida LEO Wives)