So I’m sitting in my cruiser last night working on this big investigation. I’m talking a life or death scenario. I start my research on Google.
“What are the best April Fools jokes to play on cops.”
I’m scrolling through Google and then Facebook, and let me tell you… it’s amazing what kind of a rabbit hole Attention Deficit Disorder will bring you down.
I’m reading this article about two cops who had to go on an overnight stakeout leading into 4.1, and one of them decided to eat literally an entire POT of beans before going on it.
I’m reading the comments… and you’d think people were debating the 2016 Presidential election. (Actually, in certain areas of the comments it DID turn to a political debate. Gotta love Facebook.)
Then I see this article about a court ruling in Australia on just that topic – passing gas in the workplace.
Check this out. An Australian appeals court actually ruled this week that repeated flatulence targeting another individual is NOT a form of bullying or assault.
Turns out some guy actually sued his former boss for “farting towards him”.
The ruling was handed down by the Victoria state Court of Appeal on Friday. This, after David Hingst, a 56-year-old engineer, sued his former supervisor for constantly farting toward him. He demanded $1.3 million in damages from his former employer in Melbourne, Construction Engineering.
Man. If that guy thought he deserved $1.3 million in damages, imagine what the cop in the cruiser could have sued for.
Hingst argued that “flatulence constituted assaults” and “alleged that Mr. Short would regularly break wind on him or at him. He said the bulling forced him to move out of a communal office space to avoid the stench. But despite that, he said Short would still enter hi small, windowless office a few times a day just to break wind.
As a result, it led him to spraying Short with deodorant and calling him “Mr. Stinky.”
“He would fart behind me and walk away. He would do this five or six times a day,” Hingst said outside court.
Short said he doesn’t remember breaking wind in Hingst’s office, “but I may have done it once or twice.”
Apparently Hingst added to the argument that Short was also abusive over the phone, used profane language and taunted him.
The judges shot down the case, saying he should have made a stronger argument about the abusiveness and profanity. They rejected it because Hingst“ put the issue of Mr. Short’s flatulence to the forefront” of his bullying case.
Ok, so maybe we stop just shy of the gas thing on April Fools jokes. After all, we don’t want to end up in court.
Here’s what I DID come up with – a list of some past police pranks, for those of us looking to stir the pot on April Fool’s Day and play some of the best April Fools jokes on our fellow police officers.
The Best April Fools Jokes To Play On Cops
- Urgent Welfare Check
This is a dispatcher’s dream. Send the rookie cop in the department on a welfare check to the cemetery.
“We’ve got a welfare check at 215 Main Street. Family hasn’t heard from her in quite some time and is worried. She’s on the second block of the complex in Unit 2.”
(Above – police help play an April Fool’s Day joke on a mom.)
- Don’t Be A Dummy
Put a dummy underneath a blanket in the holding cell. Tell the new guy it’s a drunk and that he needs to make sure nothing happens to him.
- Play The Long Game
We all know how many of our guys leave their evidence camera lying around. It’s a great opportunity for you to take a picture of … the moon…
Chances are, they won’t realize your “cheeky” prank until a defense attorney asks for copies of all of the pictures on it.
(Above – cop plays April Fool’s Day joke on a prisoner.)
- Lights On
Set the siren, emergency lights, AM radio, AC controls, turn signals, wipers and everything else on full blast before your partner gets in the car. When he turns the ignition key, you’ll know you achieved success.
- Get Inked
Put fingerprint ink underneath the outside door handle of a fellow officer’s squad car. It’ll be great… trust me.
- Steal Their Cruiser
It’s incredible how many rookies will leave their keys in their units. Make them pay. Move it a block away, then have dispatch tell the rookie there’s a report of a crash involving a cruiser a block away from them. Watch the magic unfold.
(Above: Officer pulls over people for obeying the law and rewards them.)
- Tears In Heaven
Put a tiny shot of OC in the AC vent of the car. Note: make sure no cameras are recording when you do this. You don’t want to be caught. Trust me.
OC a little too aggressive for you? Fill their vent with glitter and make sure it’s turned to “high” so when they turn the ignition, it’s a party in the cruiser.
(Above: Teacher arrested in class in ultimate prank.)
- Nobody Likes A Dirty Cop
Rub a thin layer of soap on the inside of his ceramic coffee cup. Watch the magic happen. If you’re too worried he’ll actually drink it and not notice until he hits the bathroom later… take the quicker approach. Drop an Alka-Seltzer tab into his coffee.
- ID in the Morgue
Bring a new guy to the morgue to identify a wanted felon. Have the medical staff tell you before going in that weapons aren’t allowed inside because of hospital policy. When the sheet is pulled back, have another officer jump out from underneath. It’s a great way to toughen up the rooks.
- Toilet Humor
There are plenty of ways of going about this. A thin layer of Vaseline on the toilet seat is a great approach, because that never comes off. Or you can tightly pull Saran Wrap over that same toilet seat.
Warning: you’re going to have a seriously pissed off cop. Make sure you have an alibi.