Times are changing and there are more and more resources becoming available to the police wife community. More books, more influencers on Instagram, more shops, more of everything. All of that is AMAZING and I am personally part of that growing community because resources are very much needed. Thirteen years ago when my husband became an officer you couldn’t find these resources no matter how long you searched the internet.

But I want to address something I am seeing within our community. All of us wonderful ladies with growing Instagram accounts or blogs or books, we have an influence upon the police wife community. We have that influence because we want to help you navigate this life a bit easier. We want you to have access to resources that are hard to find.

spouse help

(Photo courtesy EB Images Photography)


Sometimes when we show our pride for our officer or how WE live our police wife life, other wives may feel that they need to do exactly the same thing to make this life easier for them.

Not true.

 Our lives are way more than highlight reels on Instagram. And how one police wife lives her life or shows pride for her spouse is not the way everyone has to show support.

So I think it’s important to debunk some of these “myths” now.


Here are 3 things you don’t have to do even if other police wives are doing them…


You Don’t Have to Wash Your Officer’s Uniforms or Pack His/Her Meals

Some wives love to do this and some don’t. The wives I do see doing this (me included) do so to help their spouse out or simply give a nice gesture. My husband helps me around the house and I do the same for him. Is it every day or every week? No.

 Don’t feel like you HAVE to pack a meal or wash a uniform to ensure your officer will have a smoother day. Is it nice once in a while? Sure it is, but some wives feel overwhelmed enough. Adding these chores to your list is not important and definitely not necessary.


(Photo courtesy Jonathan Bransfield)



You Don’t Have to Wear Police Wife Clothing

This is a HUGE one. What you wear does not equal your support or pride for your officer. Do I like to wear police wife clothing in the comfort of my home? Yes. But do you have to? Absolutely NOT! You don’t have to be loud to be proud.

Some couples don’t feel safe wearing items that announce their relationship to law enforcement. A lot of this depends on where you live and your personal feelings as a couple. Some don’t feel safe especially if you live in or near a large city.

I feel safe wearing them (as does my husband) in our small, local town to CERTAIN places (not all) and I wear them a lot at home or in our neighborhood with neighbors that already know my husband’s job.

nearly killed

(Dillon Phommasa Photo courtesy McNeff family)


You Don’t Have to Host Police Wife Get-Togethers

Some wives are feeling “pressure” to have local meet-ups with fellow police wives or wonder why they can’t seem to find really close police wife friends. Bottom line is, you don’t have to!

 While it is great to have a few close friends you can rely on (police wife or not), police wife groups, if not run correctly, can manifest drama.

Personally, I only have a few police wife friends that are local. Many of my close police wife friends I met in closed groups on Facebook. Online friends or friends I can just talk to through messenger or text are what works with my life right now. Do what works best for your season of life – not someone else’s.

Remember – we are all just navigating this lifestyle as best as we can. What works for one family, couple or fellow police wife may not work for you, and that’s perfectly fine.